About The Man Puzzle
The Man Puzzle is the most revealing book about what really goes on inside a man that has been written to date. The Man Puzzle starts at what goes into making a good man (and what goes wrong) and then moves through how men communicate, how they argue, what their emotions look like, what they really think about sex, how they test you and all the way through what happens when they break-up, including how they grieve. Based on talks with thousands of men, the author opens the door and shows you the heart, mind and soul of men.
Why Did I Write This Book?
I have always been a voracious reader and willing to read anything lying around. I've also always had a particular curiosity with articles in women’s magazines written about men. Everything from finding the right man, seducing the right man, keeping him happy in bed and the list goes on and on and on. These articles are most always penned by highly educated, well meaning women who seem to have a penchant for handing out advice that, at best, would cause most men to look at you with curiosity and wonder what you were thinking, or to stare at you in disbelief, not respond the way you were expecting or worse, not respond at all. Then, I would wonder what a woman would do if she had the real inside scoop.
I've always been "that guy" you know the one, the guy women turn to with their "guy questions" and after years watching women suffer in relationships over things that just seemed so basic to me, I decided I would start writing down all these questions and see what I could do with them. I became a diligent note taker. I not only wrote down the questions but also the advice dispensed, whether it was followed and how it turned out. I learned I was right about 95% of the time.
In 2007 I sorted, organized, resorted, categorized and reshuffled all those notes into a topical outline which became the working structure for this book and then thought, "Hmmm... if I'm going to write this book, maybe I should do more research!"
How Was The Book Researched?
I used many different resources for this book. I have my "League of Extraordinary Men" which consist of a former CIA agent, several Navy SEALS, and a half dozen former and active Green Berets. All, extraordinarily smart men, top physical specimens capable of killing with their bare hands but who would break down a steel door to rescue a crying baby. My "League" also has a Judge, a Psychiatrist, several business owners, a guy who's now married to one of my ex-girlfriends and a pro athlete. These men were my "go to guys." Whenever I had one of those "what would you do?" questions, I'd reach out to my "League" and I was constantly surprised at just how responsive they were to my requests and how consistent they were in their answers.
From there, I have my Man Groups which were groups of men that I met with interviewed all over the USA. The groups were sometimes as small as 5 and sometimes as large as 20 but were generally about 12-15 guys. These groups consisted of men from all walks of life, all races, all religions, some were filthy rich and some were sleeping in their cars. Some had been married to the same woman for 50 years and some had been divorced two, three and four times. There were cops, firemen, steel workers, doctors, attorneys, investors, one hobo and several men worth 10's of millions of dollars. There was a 15 year old single custodial father and a 75 year old confirmed bachelor who thought all relationships with women were destined to fail. All in all, there were over 2000 men who participated in these groups and while we were as diverse as the stars in the sky, there were many parts of us that were as consistent as the sunrise.
From all the men I met with or asked to meet with, I collected 1000's of email addresses of men willing to participate in online surveys. This was a resource that I used numerous times for surveys which had, depending on the topic, between 10% and 75% response rate which is quite impressive. (Yes, the sex survey received the highest number of respondents.)
And then there were my Women Groups. Like my Men Groups, my women groups consisted of between 5 and 15 women and everyone from housewives to professional groups and the "interviews" were conducted in garden clubs, club houses and libraries all over the USA. In all, I spoke with nearly 1000 women and these women were incredibly open and honest with me and with each other. Not just about what they "knew" to be true but what confused them. They participated willingly in my "silly" exercises (which turned out to not be so silly).
My last and final resource were countless professors, doctors (MD and PhD) and psychologist who have shared their own peer reviewed research with me and, quite graciously, taken the time to explain their findings and how those findings related directly to men. All of the research is recent, eye opening and dispels quite a few traditionally held beliefs.
Who Is The Intended Audience?
I'd like to say that I wrote this for women but, in the end, I have found many a men who tell me that I have shed more insight into their internal workings than even they had imagined. When you have big, strong, men who read a chapter and cry it has a profound effect on what you think you've accomplished and who you think should read your work.
I think though, in the end, it is women who will benefit the most because I have tried to unlock and explain mysteries which have confounded women for as long as women have wondered what men were thinking. Most men already know some of these things in this book... such as men DO talk about their feelings... but these men have learned that telling women something that goes against their beliefs just leads to an argument and, as men are prone to do, we figure that sharing information is more trouble than it's worth.
Does This Book Really Make Women Angry?
Almost everyone involved with this project has heard the stories or witnessed the "blow up" where one woman just doesn't want to hear the truth. These women are rare but the experiences were memorable. However, the vast, vast majority of women have found the parts that I have shared with them to be well written, enlightening and very meaningful. Most say they learned a great deal from just reading small sections. So, no, not all women get angry and not even the majority do BUT, like I said, a few did.
In some of those memorable meltdowns, I'd printed early excerpts and had women read those excerpts, get angry and throw the material across the room and storm out only to have one of the other women go get her and bring her back by telling her "he's right, what he said is true for my man." It's hard when you learn that what you've believed your whole life simply isn't true.
I've also encountered a lot women who believe that any differences between men and women is simply "nurture versus nature" and that if "men were just raised right," they'd not be this way. No matter where you stand in your beliefs, I try to show how so many of our beliefs (such as "nurture versus nature") are either partially wrong or completely wrong and I give you the information you need to truly understand what's going on inside your man.